To Church or Not To Church.

For the past couple of weeks, Anthony has been asking me what I am going to do for Easter. We talk about what kind of Easter baskets to get the kids, and do we want to have a big dinner, what's the extended family doing, blah blah. Of course without fail, he says "What about church?" Ugh...I cringe at that question. Typically my first response is "yeah, what about it?" "Well do you want to go?" he asks. And this is where I have my What about Bob/The Kings Speech swearing marathon in my head.
It goes something like this..."Hell no I don't want to go to a *#%>!@** church service. Why the !$*% would I put myself through that!" All the while not making any outward facial expressions, I respond with "Nope, I don't"
Interesting isn't it. It's strange, even for me to not want to go to church on Easter. (for the record, I didn't go on Christmas either) I have loved the Lord all my life, and followed Him with my whole heart. I have done many exploits for God. I've preached many sermons in churches, traveled the World taking the Gospel message to those who have never heard, hell even been through Bible School...and here I find myself cringing at the thought of stepping foot in a church building.
Oh I hear the groans and judgements of Christians everywhere....Not go to church on Easter?! That's a huge deal in the Christian Culture. I mean even the worst of sinners goes to church on Christmas and Easter.
So what's happened to me? Why am I at this place? How did I get here? The number one response will be, whether people say it out loud or not, and believe me they've said it out loud straight to my face and behind my back, is SIN. The reason I don't want to go to church is because of sin. Please excuse me while I barf. The last 5 years of my life have been full and overflowing with great loss and heartache that sent me into a spiritual vertigo. Some of it was caused by the choices I made and some of it was just life. It's been a long road, but finally life is starting to come together for me again. I'm enjoying an awesome time of restoration. Everyday I pick up another piece of my shattered life and put it into the puzzle...and it's starting to look beautiful.
The next few weeks, I'll be writing about how I came to be in this place. Hopefully you will enjoy my story, though not easy to tell, I am looking forward to sharing it.
So what about Easter? To church or not to church? Not sure yet, I'll let ya know.

Voices

Last year some friends got me hooked on the tv show The Voice. I had never really seen it before and wasn't all that interested until I saw how much they enjoyed it. So I thought eh, maybe it's worth a watch. My first experience watching was at their house. Within the first 10 minutes, I was HOOKED! I really had no idea how the competition worked, but between Christina Aguilera's boobs and hair, and Cee Lo Greens outfit, I was glued to the tv!! Now, I'm all about the boobs, that's what makes us Women....but seriously Christina, put those monsters away, and really Cee Lo? Did your plane from the bush of Africa just land or what??
Anyways, I had found my new Monday night addiction. Each week as more and more contestants got voted off, the show began to take a turn. They started showing us the stories behind the voices, showing at times, lengthy interviews with each contestant. That's when I started getting invested in these people...People I had never met, yet somehow I was drawn into their lives through their voices and they were changing my life.
It's one thing to hear a song, and listen to someone with a great singing voice. But the game radically changes when you begin to hear the story behind the song. Behind the voice. A persons singing voice can be a powerful tool that moves us and our emotions. It also has the power to become a much deeper experience.
Every week as I learned more about each contestant, where they came from, their struggles and pain, their hopes and dreams, it began to move me. Of course I had my favorites, and I had singled out that one competitor that I hoped would win it all. But really I had high hopes for all of them. I hoped that through his experience, a singing competition, they would all begin to use their voices as an instruments of good in this world. All the contestants were talented, and damn good most of the time...the talent isn't what made the voice beautiful, but more the story behind the voice that made it beautiful. The deeper experience.
It's not easy finding your voice. It's never easy sharing your stories of failure, your pain, your joys and victories. Matter of fact most people never find their own voice. And yet here's the thing, we all have a voice. A beautiful voice. We all have a story. A story that needs to be shared. Every single day we encounter a plethora of voices. Some days no matter what you do, or where you go, who you are with, it seems like these voices are screaming at us.
The voice of conscious and reason, media voices, your friends voices. Or how about your mothers voice that says about that last cookie, "a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips!" Or how about the negative voice that says, NO you can't do that, that's beyond your ability so don't even try. Or the positive voice that says, Hell yes you can Go for it!
All day long we are bombarded with voices! The older I get the more I'm learning to develop my own voice, my story. Seems like negative voices dominate this world most of the time. I don't want to be a negative voice. I want to be a positive, encouraging one. A voice of influence that speaks to your story and tells you how beautiful it is.
So what about you? Have you found your voice yet? If not, Why? What's holding you back? Fear, insecurity, or maybe just straight up hurt? Take some time to think about it.
Voices. Not one exactly alike. Each powerful and unique in its own way. I encourage you to find yours...but dont just find it, own it and use it for good! I guarantee when you do, it'll be the most Beautiful voice you've ever heard.

Ready.Set.Go.

Well, here I am. In my own blog. Finally, the World as my audience. I always knew I was destined for Greatness. Too much? Okay, so maybe I don't have the entire world for an audience, but I've got your attention for at least the next 10 minutes so that'll do....for now.

I figured for our first encounter I should introduce myself. Not sure who's reading this, and I don't want to come off as rude. (really I don't care if I do this is my blog)
My name is Keesha and I'm thirty-something. I'm a recovering Pastors Kid so technically I should know all the answers to faith and spirituality. But I don't. I'm a naked person and writer. (no, not literally you perv) Naked?? Yep, I am one of the most authentic, honest, raw, soft hearted, bare it all souls you will ever meet. Whether you know me in person or get to know me through my writings, you will touch my soul. But not without permission....I will bare it all and show it to you, because I want to. I have to. I don't know how to live any other way. I am both tough and tender hearted. You will collide with both and I guarantee you'll love it.

I grew up in a Christian home, better yet, the Pastors Family. I'm the youngest of 3. I was adopted when I was 19 days old. No, I don't know my birth parents. Maybe someday.
I don't think I'm the black sheep of my family. (half black for sure) Well, maybe I am. I'm not entirely sure anymore. I used to be the favorite. (uh, my name actually means "favorite" in case you doubt me)  What I am entirely sure of is that I am the child who has brought the biggest disappointment and probably the most embarrassment. Those juicy details will be revealed soon enough. Don't be mistaken though, I love my family deeply and I'm content with our dysfunction.

I love music, reading, writing, texting, laughing, and sports in general with an emphasis on NCAA Men's Basketball. ROCK CHALK!!! I'm learning to love cooking even though I'm terrible at it. I like to swear. A lot. Not because I'm angry, but because swearing makes me laugh. What About Bob? The King's Speech? YES, LOVE!!

My kids are AMAZING and I crazy love them. I'm totally 7 months pregnant and I love the new kid just as much as the other 2.
I have an extremely small bubble of friends, and that's how I like it. I have this peculiar love/hate thing with people.
I do in fact call myself a Christian, although I'm sure some people wish I wouldn't. Sometimes I'm embarrassed with that title, and most days I don't even understand the title, but none the less I am a follower of Jesus. I am NOT a deep thinking theologian nor do I care to be. So if that's what your expecting from this PK, you will be sorely disappointed.

So there you have it. That's me. This blog is a journey of my life. Where I've been, where I'm at now, and where I'm going. I'll share my thoughts on faith and life in general. I have one chance at this life, and I want to do it well. Everyone has a story. This one just happens to be mine. You'll see my joys and sorrows, successes and failures, my hurts and how I overcame them and probably the craziness of my daily life. My hope is that maybe through my life you can find inspiration and hope in yours.
Ready. Set. Go.

DISCLOSURE: My views are explicitly my own and do not reflect the views of anyone else. (siblings, parents, friends, etc) They are subject to change and most undoubtedly will. If you have already been offended by something I've written, do NOT read on. Don't do that to yourself or to me. I sure as hell won't let ya anyways.